Bad Dreams and Good Truths

Fair warning to all, this is a dark and introspective kind of post. All who are faint of heart or simply not in the mood for emoting, please jump ship now.

A few years ago I had a dream that has stuck with me. I was out jogging when I was a attacked by a cougar. This was when there was that rash of death’s in California coming from cougar attacks, so I had a lot of fertile ground to build from. There wasn’t a lot of pain from the attack, mostly shock. The thing jumped on me knocking me to the ground but I managed to get free at first. I’d done everything in my power and just knocked it off. It was coming again, and this time I knew I couldn’t stop it. I was going to die. As the cougar crouched to spring I had this eternal moment of wondering. Is this it? Does it all end here?

I grew up on national park surrounded big scary predators. I’ve swum in the oceans with sharks and jellyfish. None of them ever really scared me. Even cougars didn’t get under my skin until after this dream, so I can’t just dismiss this as a Jaw’s like fixation.

One of the things that makes us human is our belief that we have time. As far as I can tell this is a correct assumption. Up until that last moment we do have time to finish that novel, to be a parent, to make up with our enemies and see more of our friends. But the point is there is a last moment. There comes a point where things are undone.

I was a teenager when I had this dream. A lot of crap had happened to me and I felt like my life was over. A rather typical teenager feeling! This dream showed me how much I had to lose. It made me realize the value of my dreams. More then that, it made me finally take my writing seriously. You see, one of my last thoughts as the cougar pounced for that last time was how much I regretted that no one would have read my stories.

                                                                                                     

So now I try to work hard on the things that matter. It was just a dream, but it’s one that I don’t know if I’ll ever forget. Even though it only happens once, remembering that an end is coming motivates me to live as much as I can before it gets here.