Giving Up

I was just reading Michelle D. Argyle’s blog The Problem With the Advice "Never Give Up" and it made me ask a question I didn’t know the answer to: At what point do I give up? Before you think the poor author is a killjoy, this is something I’ve been wondering for a while. It’s also the one thing hopeful writers like myself don't want to talk about.

I love to write. Scratch that, I live to write. I don’t actually love it, it’s more a function ingrained so deeply in me that I can’t stop. It has been eleven years since I first sat down at a word processor and a story began to grow. I was thirteen and I knew in that moment that this was what I had been born to do. ‘

Fast forward to 24 year old me, gathering all my moxy for another big push. The one that takes me over the next hurdle between me and publication. The one that forces me to up my game and be better, be more. And now I’m wondering, why? Why am I doing this? Why have been non-stop, tooth and claw for over a decade? If I stick out for another two years it will officially be half my life.

At first I thought it was that story. You know, the one that pulled me from dreaming to creating. Then maybe I thought it was the money, except nobody really gets onto this journey for the cash. That’s kind of like sitting in basements hoping to get struck by lightening. The only answer I can come up with is this really nebulous combination of loyalty and hope that I can’t seem to make sense of.

I’ve been battling myself over whether or not to continue writing for publication for the past few years. I’ve felt frustrated because I can’t seem to walk away. Why can’t I find a different occupation that would giving me easier access to some kind of external validation? So the question remains; When is that moment when I’ve had enough?  

For me it’s not today. That moment eleven years ago when I felt the rush of typing my first words is still strong. There is nothing else in life that comes as automatically to me as writing. So I keep trying, keep pushing, keep going. But someday the day may come when I don’t. And that will be okay too.

Hooplah and Hysterics: Putting Together YW in Excellence 2013

A few years ago, when I first moved to Philadelphia my church asked me to be in charge of their youth program for girls. That was really daunting considering I’d never really been in charge of anything. Luckily it turned out that I really love teenagers and have a ton of fun hanging out with them. Unluckily ,twice a year I have to do big shindigs for their parents, one at the beginning of the year and one at the end. I know these things are supposed to be joyous but they’re really, really not. The are in fact exercises of terror that lead me from being a sane human being to a hybrid of Chef Gordon and Gollum.

So when December was staring me in the face I knew I couldn't procrastinate any more. Preparations for the overwhelmingly named Young Women in Excellence must commence. At least this one started out better than last years. Last winter my husband got uveitus, a lovely illness that is sort of like pink eyes ugly big brother and  causes 10% of all new cases of blindness every year. I spent the time leading up to the big day in the doctors office. No way to go and do last minute prep for that! Luckily my procrastination with starting things isn’t always matched by procrastination setting up for them so everything was already ready. Well, almost everything. Nobody notices little things like the person conducting it running in late, right? So this year had the added benefit of not having a grotesque eyed husband and other life trauma. What could go wrong?

Well, plenty. One of the goals of the program is to have the youth lead. That means that I’m supposed to be a combination of minion and adviser to one of the girls. Last year I completely ignored that in favor of doing it myself. It was my first one and I was not up to being the patient mentor. This time I didn’t have being new as an excuse. Not saying the girl in charge wasn’t awesome. She was. It’s just that I’m barely organized enough to keep myself going, let alone a 17 year old who hasn’t done something this big before. Luckily she was a champ and the ladies who helped me out stepped in a few times to keep us going off the rails.

As you’re probably all wondering, it turned out awesome. The girls decided they would be doing skits to showcase what they learned and were absolutely hilarious. Instead of paying attention to the decorations and other froufrou stuff, parents were watching their kids crack each other up on stage. Much better! Now that it’s all done I’m left with a huge sense of relief and a small ulcer. Just a few more month until the next one!

Jennavier Recommends: Unspoken and Untold by Sarah Rees Brennan

So I would normally wait for the last book to recommend a YA trilogy. I’ve been burned way too many times! But these two are so fantastic that it’s worth the risk. Trust me on this.

Unspoken sets up the characters and the world. As it should, since it the first book in a series and all. Kami Glass is our intrepid girl reporter that is determined to discover a story in her sleepy little town. Little does she know that the story is coming her way. The voice that she always thought was her imaginary friend really belongs to the new guy in school. But it gets weirder then that. Magic might be real, and her town might be at the heart of it. The previous cover was so much cuter. The publishers didn't agree with me so we're stuck with this one.

What makes these stories so awesome is the characters. Kami is smart and brave and more then a little ridiculous. I laughed out loud at some of the things she has to say. Jared, her mysterious voice who is no longer mysterious, is difficult in a way that makes me want to smack him and hug him. The supporting cast are so perfect that I can tell you about each one of them even now, a month after reading it. I have never checked the publication date as often as I did for Untold. Now I have to wait for book three and it’s already killing me. So go, read the books, and share my pain. Till next time!

***Update: Book three, Unmade, came out and it is amazing! Brennan absolutely landed the ending of this trilogy. If you were on the fence before, I hope now that they're all out you'll hop off and run to the nearest bookstore.